there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
