Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
