She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
