Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
one might say we're banned from that church
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
