i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
