The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
