i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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