I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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