I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
