the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
