I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
