I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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