I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
