i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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