i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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