I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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