in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
not ubering you a puppy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
