i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize