You don't have asthma, your pregnant
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
