so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
