I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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