We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
