i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
