one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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