you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
