fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
