She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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