her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
