I want to have your abortion
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
