You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
