Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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