I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Randomize
