man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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