allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
