i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
