by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
