He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
