I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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