Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
