He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
