tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
