So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I cockslap morals
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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