I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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