Plan B is the new Plan A
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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