I think I am morally bankrupt
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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