I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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