Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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