He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
