You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
