dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
