Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize