we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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