Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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