My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
worst night to have a conscience
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
