The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
