fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
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