Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Someone came in the potted fern
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
