I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
