Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
