wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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