i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
