There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
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Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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