Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
