hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
