My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
