You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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