She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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