come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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