What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
