We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
