Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
