No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
