I wannas sexs uuuuu
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
