Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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