I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
