I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
