I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
