girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
